The Green Hat

 

 I put on the green hat. I would go outside and face my shame. Would I have done anything differently? I don't think so. I could not imagine my life without her. I would take the imperfect love she offered over love from any other woman.

     I met Liang in the spring of 1878. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. When flowers saw her they would close next to her astonishing beauty. I wanted to offer her my life. This was a time where many women would have more than one husband so that they could be economically secure. I did not want to share her beauty with any other man. I made my living as a shop owner. Many times I had thought about going to America to make a better living, but I never did.

     I would bring Liang gifts each day because she lived across the street from my shop. In the early morning light, I would see her hair shine and her lovely pink robe would be wrapped around her as if she were a gift. She would smile and my heart would soar and I would hand her a small carving, or a poem on a scroll, or a sweet treat. I always hoped that what I brought her would make her smile.

     One day I went to her family to ask if I could marry her. She was likely spoken for, so I offered more money than I could afford in order to secure the marriage. They agreed and we were married in the summer at the best possible time. I looked forward to having children with her and growing old with her. She was sweet and affectionate and always had that smile for me.

     The year after we were married, I noticed that Liang did not smile as much. We also did not have children and she would not go to bed with me. She told me that she was unwell. I tried to be compassionate. I tried to give her time to feel better. I waited on her and gave her so much attention that the sales at my shop suffered. Finally, I had to spend more time at my shop because things had fallen so far behind. Liang told me that it was fine with her if I had to spend more time in the shop.

     One evening I was dumping some water outside the shop when I caught a flash of movement in my left eye. I squinted and saw what looked like Liang running back towards our home. She had not moved that quickly in months. That night I asked her if everything was ok. She smiled and said yes, but she did not mention that she had gone out.

     The next evening I peered through the window of my shop, hoping to catch a glimpse of my running wife, but there was no such thing. I watched night after night for a week. Finally, after a week I saw her leave the house and look cautiously in both directions. She headed west towards the river. I closed the shop and I followed her, staying far enough behind her so that I would not be seen.

     She stopped at a home by the river and knocked on the door. The door opened and a tall young man answered and embraced her before pulling her inside. There had to be an explanation for this. I went to the outside of the house hoping to catch a glimpse through a window, but there were none. After a while, the door opened and they both came outside. He was as handsome as she was beautiful. He held her and they walked towards the river. I will never forget his face as he kissed my wife. She smiled at him so much brighter than the smiles she had for me. I felt rage and I wanted to interrupt them, but I had to think of a plan of what to do. If anyone who knew us saw them, I would be ridiculed. I may even lose business at the shop for being so foolish to marry a woman such as that.

     I watched and she went to him more and more frequently. She became less careful. One night she came to my room and offered herself to me. I was weak and I took her because I could not resist. I should have known why she would do that because not long after that she told me that we were going to have a baby. We were most likely going to have his baby. 

     My luck changed one day when he walked into my shop. That was adding to the insult. He complained to me of back pain and I thought it was possibly from taking my wife too frequently. I offered him a tincture. I offered him the tincture that would stop his back pain....indefinitely. I would enjoy seeing Liang's sorrow at the loss of the one who brought shame to our household.

     I waited for the news of his demise, but it did not come. One night, Liang was not at home. I waited, but she did not arrive. I heard a knock at the door and the town police were there. He informed me that Liang and her lover had died. The officer did not know about the baby. Apparently, they had both been poisoned.  I held in my grief until he left and then I collapsed in sorrow. Why didn't I just allow him to be her second husband? Why couldn't I ignore the affair? 

     Worse, the entire town knew what had happened. When I tried to walk to my shop people would whisper and sometimes would outright laugh or shake their heads. The business was not good. I decided to put on the green hat before anyone tried to force it on me. I walked towards the river. I continued walking into the river. I felt the cold water surround me and I held my breath when it became too deep to breathe. When I could not hold it anymore, darkness closed in and I finally felt at peace.